How to Nurture Emotional Intelligence in Kids?

17-05-2017   |   Posted By: Kumkum Sharma   |   3221 View(s)

‘Your child’s IQ is very high. I am sure that your kid will become successful in life’, said a teacher to the parents of a 6-year-old kid. The parents obviously felt very happy. Every parent wants their child to do well in studies and gain more and more knowledge. Parents work hard to build their child’s IQ, i.e. Intelligence Quotient. But what about developing Emotional Intelligence in kids? Many parents miss out on that!

IQ, i.e. Intelligence Quotient is considered to be a predictor of success. People have talked so much about IQ, and it’s importance that they have completely forgotten about Emotional Quotient, which is another predictor of success.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is defined as the ability to identify, assess and control one’s emotions and of others.

The famous psychologist and author, Daniel Goleman stated in his bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ (1996), that Emotional Quotient is a more significant predictor of success than IQ.

According to Daniel, there are five elements of Emotional Quotient, which are also known as Emotional Competencies:

1. Self-Awareness

Identifying one’s emotions and also recognising the impact of one’s emotions on others.

2. Self-Regulation

Being able to manage and regulate our emotions, and also change the emotions as per the need and the environment.

3. Social Skills

Being able to interact with others, and having the ability to manage other’s emotions.

4. Empathy

Understanding and recognising other’s emotions while making decisions.

5. Internal Motivation

Being able to motivate oneself to achieve something in life.

According to Goleman, these emotional competencies are not inner talents; rather they are something that can be learned and developed over time to become successful in life. Goleman believes that people are born with a general Emotional Intelligence (EI) that determines their potential for learning these emotional competencies.

Why is Emotional Intelligence Important?

IQ helps in measuring a person’s academic intelligence while EQ measures a person’s ability to manage his or her emotions and maintain social contacts.

It is not necessary that a person with a high IQ will always have a high EQ. People with a low Emotional Quotient are not able to manage their emotions and lack social skills, which is actually required in the workplace.

A research was carried out by the Carnegie Institute of Technology, which stated that 85% of financial success is due to the ‘People Skills’, i.e. ability to communicate, negotiate and lead. And only 15% of the success is due to ‘technical knowledge.’

Studies show that people with strong Emotional Quotient make good leaders and managers as they can work efficiently in a team environment.

Emotional Intelligence helps kids to develop self-awareness, be compassionate to their friends and socialise well.

Therefore, it is important to build Emotional Intelligence in kids so that they can learn to handle their emotions well, build strong relationships with people and become leaders in their field.

How to Develop Emotional Intelligence in Kids?

Emotional Intelligence is something that takes years to develop. It is best that parents make an effort to develop emotional competencies in their kids from a very small age.

Some of the Ways to Nurture Emotional Intelligence in Kids are:

1. Listen and Empathise with Your Kids

Sometimes, kids need their parents to sit with them and hear what they have to say. It happens with all of us that when we are feeling sad or angry; and then when we share our emotions and feelings with someone else, it takes the burden off the chest, and we feel much more relaxed and calm.

And the same goes with the kids; sometimes all your kid need is to be heard. When the parents see that their child is looking upset or sad, then they must talk to them and let them express their emotions and feelings. Also, parents need not just listen to their kids but also empathise with them. Empathising does not mean you agree, just that you see it from their side, too.

Studies suggest that the feeling of being understood triggers soothing biochemicals in the body, and also help kids develop empathy by experiencing it from others.

2. Help Kids Identify Their Emotions

One of the essential elements of Emotional Intelligence is—Identifying one’s emotions. The best way parents can teach their kids to identify their emotions is by making them write down what they are feeling.

Suppose, if your kid is feeling upset because she couldn’t go to the park to play due to rain, you can ask her to write down what she is feeling and name her ‘Emotion.’ You can give her a cue by saying, ‘You feel sad because you couldn’t go to the park today, isn’t it?’

Parents can also tell their kids that it is ok to have conflicting emotions about something. For example, the kid may be both scared and excited during the first visit to the amusement park.

When kids “name” their emotions, it helps them identify them and take ownership of what they are feeling.

3. Validate Emotions

Many times, kids throw tantrums and show aggressive behaviour. Some parents fail to understand that these outbursts are the way the kids vent out their emotions. Many kids do not know the technique of expressing their anger or frustration in a healthy manner, and then when the parents tell their kids not to get upset over a petty thing; it makes the child more frustrated.

Children need parents to accept their emotions. For instance, if a kid is feeling angry because he or she couldn’t solve a puzzle, then instead of telling the kid that there is no reason to get upset over such a small problem; acknowledge the child’s natural reaction. Parents can say, “You are feeling frustrated because you couldn’t finish the puzzle, isn’t it?”

Parents should encourage their children to share feelings with them. If parents do not accept the negative emotions of their kids, then the child will know that his or her negative emotions are shameful and hence they are always disapproved, and only pleasant emotions are acceptable.

Thus, instead of learning positive ways to express and deal with the negative emotions, the kid will just repress them. Those repressed emotions may come out in later life in unconscious ways, such as Aggressive Behaviour and mood swings.

4. Teach Problem Solving to Kids

Identifying emotions is just one part of developing emotional intelligence; another important factor is controlling emotions and using positive emotions to solve problems. Parents must teach their child to feel and tolerate the emotions and channelize their energy in the positive direction.

Parents should help their children to brainstorm and solve their problems. If your kid is not able to solve problems, give them various options by which their problem can be solved and ask them to pick the option they think is the best.

This way the kid will learn to develop ideas to solve a problem and also find out how to select the best way to solve a problematic situation.

Being emotionally intelligent is necessary to be successful in life. Parents should focus not just on developing the cognitive skills of the child, but also their emotional competencies, as it helps in boosting self-awareness and motivation of a person. ‘IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted.’

“Emotional Intelligence, more than any other factor, more than IQ or expertise, accounts for 85% to 90% of success at work; IQ is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn’t make you a star. Emotional Intelligence can.” – Warren Bennis